Friday, June 09, 2006

Zarqawi: Satisfied Customer

Last year I was able to obtain a copy of a letter from the Kevorkian Society offering their assisted suicide program to Abu Musab al Zarqawi.

I just received a copy of Zarqawi's order form from the Kevorkian Society confirming his membership and desire to take part in their program:

Kevorkian Soceity
Order Form

Member #: 6606 Date: April 25, 2006

Name: Ahmad Fadil Nazil Al-Khalayilah Nick Name: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi

Address: 1 Palm Grove City: Baqouba
State/Province: Diyalah Country: Iraq

Contact Person: Abdul al Rahman al-Iraqi
Phone #: 010123555KILL

Please indicate your preferences below.

[ ] Bronze (ping) [ ] Silver (bang)
[X]Gold (boom) [ ] Platinum (blaze of glory)

Suicide Assisted By:

[ ] Iraqi Commandos [ ] Jordanian Police

[ ] Distraught Family Member of Terrorism Victim

[ ] Designated Member of Immediate Family or Organization

[ ] United States Marine Corps

[ ] United States Army

[X] United States Air Force

Method of Termination

[ ] AK-47 [ ] Suicide Car Bomb [ ] Beheading by scimitar [ ] IED

[ ] M16A2 [ ] Abrams Tank [ ] UAV/Hellfire Missile [X] JDAM

Date and Time

Date: June 7, 2006 Time: 6:15pm Baghdad Time

Death Notices

[X] Local [X] Hometown [X] National [X] International

[X] Print [X] Network/Cable [X] Internet [X] Radio


[X] Personal Video of Last Moments [X] DVD for Family and Friends

[X] 3 ft X 5 ft Poster of Member RIP [X] Military Escort

[X} Obituary

[X] Special Guests (Buy One Get One Free)

[X] Surprise Gift Package for Friends and Family

Recommend Our Services to Friends and Family
Please list the names and contact information of people that you would recommend our services to:

Name: Osama bin Laden

Name: Ayman al-Zawahiri

Name: Abu Al Masri

Name: Abdul Al-Azzam

Name: Abu Abdul Rahman al Iraqi


The Kevorkian Society released this statement:

The Kevorkian Society would like to announce the death of another satisfied customer, Abu Musab Al Zarqawi. Mr. Zarqawi passed at 6:15 PM Baghdad Time on June 7, 2006. At his side was special guest, Abdul al Rahman al Iraqi, recipient of the Kevorkian Soceity's "Buy One Get One Free" programAlthough we are disappointed that Mr. Zarqawi chose our Gold Standard Boom package over our Platinum Blaze of Glory, we believe that the Kevorkian Soceity was able to fulfill Mr. Zarqawi's request to his exacting standards.

We at the Kevorkian Society believe that everyone has the right to die, some more than others. We also believe that every person should die with dignity and compassion, or, at least in the manner they find most befitting. To this end, Mr. Zarqawi has provided a list of friends, family and close associates that he believes would be excellent and willing candidates for our "Friends and Family" package which provides assisted suicide services from the Kevorkian Society to people we know Mr. Zarqawi would not want to suffer long in this terrible, bloody war; particularly if they were unable to carry out their duties of assisted suicide administrators for the Kevorkian Soceity. Abdul al Azzam proceeded Mr. Zarqawi in his bid for death by over eight months. We understood that Mr. Zarqawi was upset and could not longer live in this world without him.

The Kevorkian Society would like to thank all those who volunteered so readily to help process Mr. Zarqawi's request. Special thanks to:

President George Bush for assisting in clearing the Kevorkian Soceity for this project
The Department of defense for insisting that Zarqawi should be killed
The United States Air Force for their timeliness and accuracy
The United States Army, task force 145
Saudi Intelligence
Jordanian Intelligence
Pakistani Intelligence
The Mossad

And the men and women of the Coalition forces who continue to work towards the Kevorkian Mission: everyone has the right to die.

We look forward to continuing our services for the mujihadeen and all those that believe as we do, that their lives are just too painful to continue living.

X Marks the Spot

Kevorkian Society: We Deliver!

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