Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Why Am I Single? Let Me Count the Ways

To Be Or Not To Be

Yes, the bard. He knew a thing or two about twisted human emotions, twisted relationships and the twisted things we do.

To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die, to sleep:
No more; and, by a sleep, to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep! Perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of such long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of dispis'd love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn
No traveler returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience doth make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought;
And enterprises of great pith and moment,
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action...

Hamlet. Hamlet Act III Scene 1: A Room in the Castle.


Okay, this was not his most romantic moment. As a matter of fact, I believe Hamlet was trying to decide why he had come back to Denmark when he could have kept going, someplace else, and never had to deal with the fact that his mother was married to his father's murderer. Yet, in thinking about it, when he thinks of confronting the situation that he knows needs to be confronted, he thinks about not doing it at all. Couldn't he just ignore it at let things go? Then he chastises himself for thinking about it overlong because he might lose the momentum and the time to confront the situation will have passed. Let's not forget that his father's ghost was haunting him.

I actually love "Much Ado About Nothing" when everyone is playing a game trying to help or hinder the other and the whole time, no one, at least until the end, actually speaks for themselves to the person to which their emotions concern, leaving each person to draw their own conclusions and, generally, the wrong ones. Finally, someone says what they mean directly to the other party and all the confusion starts getting cleared up as well as identifying the "villain". Obviously, a very obvious play about human insecurity and the importance of direct communication if you want your relationship to survive.

How about "The Taming of the Shrew?" I know, as a liberated woman, this should not be one of my favorite plays, but I love it. It is full of witty repartee, veiled and not so veiled insults. It's a fast paced dialogue. Nothing boring there at all. It's also another grand presentation of the things people do in order to keep from admitting to something potentially as devastating as loving someone that may not love you in return. All the fascinating moments of denial we can submit ourselves to along with all of the stupid things we could say, just to prove we are right and we are in charge of our own destinies. Of course, in the end, the sky is not blue, the sun is the moon, etc, etc, etc. Katherine loves Petruchio and vis-a-versa.

Or, Othello, the supreme tale of jealousy? Mid-summer Night's Dream? What of Caesar? No, not romantic at all, but I always loved that phrase, "Et tu, Brute?" "And you, Brutus", just before Brutus delivers the fatal last stab of the stiletto into the man that basically raised him.

Yes, Shakespeare understood implicitly the twisted nature of humans and their relationships. I've often thought that, aside from all the strange gadgetry that he would see, if Shakespeare reappeared to day, he would not be in the least confused about current human relations. Not wars, not love, not jealousy. Nope, no confusion because man remains the same and does the same thing over and over again. That's why people like me, five hundred and some odd years later can still write about it and have other people read it. We are still trying to figure out how to avoid all the silly traps, picking the wrong person, doing it anyway even if it means we will be broken hearted in the end and generally mucking things up.

One wonders then, why, instead of just pointing people to Shakespeare and saying, "read this", I choose to write about it? Because it is still amusingly horrid and, like a car wreck or 50 car pile up, we can see it coming, but we can't look away. We have to keep looking at it, over and over, reliving the gore and the blood and the human angst. We all have sado/masochistic tendency. Me, I just get the fun of poking fun at people's relationships and my own. Sick amusement like watching a gladiator fight to the death or a bull fight in Spain. You know how it's going to end, but you just can't look away. Of course, there is that other Caesar like idea that one can control the mobs if you just give them "bread and circus".

So, here I am, diligently following Caesar's advice and providing the bread and circus. Or, at least the circus.

Before I go on and talk some more about Joe the Fireman and how I could not love him when he loved me and how, later, I think I could have, but he was with someone else (yes, the best sort of Shakespearian tragi/romance), I want to close up some other relationships in my little tale.

Maybe, just maybe, Shakespeare has something appropriate for this occasion, but I rather think that the best description of this episode is more likened to one of those scary movies, like "Scream" or "Halloween", when you know the mood music suggests that something bad is about to happen and you are screaming at the screen for the hero or heroine to "run!" or "don't go in there, you idiot, can't you hear the scary music? It means bad things are about to happen. Why in the name of God would you go to a building where the lights are flickering on and off and scary music emanates from within, when, if you will just do a 90* turn, you could be in a safe home with safe people and call the police!?" Why do the stupid heroines always run towards the scary music even when their friends warn them not to?


Tally and Jason

If you recall, Tally was living with us in our two bedroom apartment. She had the hideaway futon bed in the living room. Lisa and I kept our own bedrooms. Jason had somehow convinced Tally to forgive him after the news of his marriage leaked out. He still proclaimed that the child (of his soon to be ex) was not his even though he did not contest it and continued to support both of them. Frankly, I'm still torn about the subject. Jason could be such a liar sometimes. On the other hand, I did know some poor schmucks who came home from leave to find a pregnant wife or girlfriend, not that far along when the guy was out on six or so months of deployment. "Little surprises" I called them.

Other reality checks began to sink in for our friend Tally, but she was ever blindly in love, ever naive and just plain delusional about the guy that she intended to marry. It seemed, with every new revelation about Jason's lies and his real life, she continued to want to believe him so badly that she either made excuses for him or insisted they didn't matter. In the end, his proclivity for lying was the end, but not yet.

Tally had to find out the hard way that Jason's parents were not Jock and Ellie Ewing (Dallas anyone?). They did not own a spread to rival the Kings in Brownsville or South Fork in Dallas. They did own some acreage, but, by Texas standards, they were just dirt farmers. Dirt farmers who had 50 dogs, 30 cats, assorted parted out cars, tractors, you name it, in the yard of a double wide trailer parked on about 200 acres. Sounds like a lot, but wouldn't support the kind of herd that would be required to make a success of it. They were not genteel southern ranchers, but the epitome of "redneck" in the most "redneck" meaning of the word. Maybe even "hill billy" if there is such a thing in Texas. Not many hills there so I guess "hill billy" doesn't exactly fit the area.

I believe that Tally was in shock when she returned. Not to mention that Jason's family was wondering about a girl from New Jersey who would be running around with a married man (no matter how long he'd been separated from his wife or progress towards divorce). She was the epitome of a "Jersey Girl" and they didn't get many of them down there. I think they may have thought she was "uppity" when, in reality, she was just speechless at finding out the next lie in the tumbling brick wall of Jason's delusional vision of his life.

Of course, he saw nothing wrong with his description and she saw everything. Still, I don't know who was worse, Jason for his continued delusions or Tally for hers.

The next round of delusions was shortly on its way. One day, Lisa and I came home from the office. Tally had left earlier for some unspecified emergency. There was Tally in the living room with Jason and he was wearing a splint on his left leg. Not just any old splint, but, I swear, the exact same foam splint with velcro fastenings and the little hole for the knee that Carlos had worn a little over a year earlier. He had the wooden crutches, too. I know it was the same splint because it was dirty and decrepit from Carlos' use. Not a nice shiny pristine one out of the infirmary.

I asked Jason what had happened. He informed me that he had fallen during drill on the ship and sprained his knee. Seemed plausible enough, but my thoughts were still vibrating with that little yellow caution light. Or, as another friend once said, "My bullshit-o-meter was pegging red."

Tally asked Lisa if Jason could stay at our place for the week while he recuperated. Allegedly, he had an appointment to see the doctor at the beginning of the next week in order to be assessed and evaluated for possibility of light duty. Lisa and Tally both ganged up on me and had me feeling ultra guilty for even considering making him stay on the ship for his recuperation. Fine, fine, he could stay.

That weekend, we were at the club and our friend Craig found us. He asked if we knew where Jason was (actually, I know he knew where Jason was, but was trying to play it cool) and, if we did, we should know that Jason is AWOL and would we pass on the message that he should get his ass back on the ship before they had him as a deserter.

Well, color me surprised. Or, not.

We left the club pretty quickly and drove back to the apartment where I banged open the door and started yelling for Jason to get his ass front and center. He came out of the bathroom hobbling and Tally raised up from the couch. "What's going on?" they were both asking with some real confusion. Except maybe Jason wasn't as confused as he should have been considering that he had to know we knew about 20 guys off the ship and some of them were from his group.

"Jason, tell me again why you haven't been at the ship all this week?" I demanded.

"I fell and hurt my knee," he was slightly defensive, but playing it cool.

"Then tell me why they have you as AWOL?" I had my hands on my hips and my foot was tapping.

"AWOL?" he continued to try to play Mr. Innocent.

"Yeah, AWOL. Craig says you've been listed as AWOL since the day of your alleged accident. That's seven days. How long were you going to wait? Want to be a deserter?" I don't know who I was more angry for: Lisa and I for having an AWOL jackass at our apartment that several people knew about; Tally for being used by a schmuck or all three of us for getting bamboozled by a schmuck, particular one I didn't trust any further than I could throw him.

"It's a mistake." He insisted.

"Jas, I really hope it is. You need to get back to the ship and report in, get this cleared up." I believe if something is goofed up, you should make every effort to fix it right away, particularly as the days were adding up.

"I'll go on Monday. That's when I'm supposed to report in and see the doctor." He was being pigheaded, but so was I.

"No, you need to go tomorrow first thing. Why would you wait?" I replied getting a little exasperated.

"Because, nothing will be cleared up tomorrow until the doctor I'm supposed to see comes on duty Monday. He probably didn't file the papers right or they're lost in the system or something." He was flailing around for an excuse. I really didn't know military procedures well, but I couldn't imagine that no one would know that he had been injured, a report made and knowledge of his potential disposition by his superiors. Who sent him to sick call anyway?

Lisa and Tally, once again ganged up on me. Tally, of course, swallowed everything Jason said and I just looked on it with complete disbelief. I mean, the guy had a tendency already to be a liar. This just seemed like one more in his long line of lies. Lisa expressed some doubts about the story, but insisted that we could not know exactly the story. As long as he went on Monday, it should be fine.

Me, all I kept thinking was how many guys on the ship had been to our place for barbecues, knew we knew Jason, knew his girlfriend lived with us and, of course, Craig had been to our house earlier that week and seen Jason there before he knew he was AWOL. Not good in my book.

On the other hand, I'm a bit of a softy, so I eventually gave in and consented to him staying until Monday at which time I expected him to be at the base, reporting for duty and whatever had to happen to either clear him or resolve his problem.

Sunday, I was pretty sullen. I didn't speak to any of them and Jason knew I knew he was full of crap. He avoided me like the plague.

Monday, Tally got up extra early and drove him back to the base. I figured that was the last we were going to see of him for a little while. Imagine my surprise Monday evening as we prepared to cook dinner and Tally comes through the door with Jason.

"What are you doing back here?" I stood up from the couch and demanded.

Immediately, Tally began to defend Jason, "Kansas, it was all a mistake just like Jason said it was. Just paperwork didn't get where it needed. He's still on leave. The doctor says he needs another week before he would even consider light duty."

"I was asking Jason, Tally." I was staring at Jason hard and he was looking a little flustered. So was Lisa who had come to the door of the kitchen looking very uncomfortable.

Jason replied, not looking directly at me, but Lisa, "It's exactly as Tally said. It was just a paperwork mistake. You know how this stuff works. You get a raise and it takes months before it's processed. They just didn't get it done right."

"Jason, you had better be telling me the truth. I'm going to be severely pissed off if this is a bunch of bullshit." And I was already, but I was trying to keep my temper. I told Lisa I needed to speak to her and we walked back to her bedroom. "Lisa, I think this guy is full of crap. I don't think he should be staying here. Half the damned ship knows who we are and our relationship to this guy. I do not feel like having SP knock on our door."

"Kansas," she was the softest of all of us, "we don't really know. Maybe that's what did happen?" She looked like she was hoping for miracles.

"We can find out. If Craig calls this week, I'll ask him or follow up with him at the club. If it was just a paperwork snafu, then it should be cleared pretty quickly, don't you think?" I would give some benefit of the doubt, but I was not going to play stupid.

Lisa agreed, I came back out and refused to speak to Jason who, in turn, refused to look at me. As it turned out, I did not hear from Craig until late Thursday afternoon. I asked him about Jason's status and he told me he would find out in the morning and call me back. Late Friday afternoon I got the call at the office and Jason was still listed as AWOL. Fourteen days to be exact which meant that he was AWOL before he came to our house with the phony leg brace. I waited until we got home to confront both Tally and Jason.

First, I pulled Tally into the bedroom and told her what Craig had to say. At first she insisted on disbelief. Why would Jason do that? I had no idea, but Craig had no reason to lie and, for that matter, he could have passed the info on whenever he wanted anonymously. He was only holding back because we were friends and, maybe, some sense of loyalty amongst the enlisted guys for their own. Maybe he didn't cotton to being a snitch?

I don't know, I just informed Tally that this had to be taken care of and I was about to come down like a ton of bricks on Jason and that she was not to ask me for any favors this time. They were quickly being used up.

We went back into the living room where Jason sat, waiting like the condemned. He knew the jig was up. I told him what I had heard. He still insisted it was a mistake. Tally wanted to believe him very much. Lisa was quietly standing to the side. I asked Tally if she had seen him go on the base or had she dropped him off at the gate and then left? Dropped off. The base had a circular drive right in front of the gates, she had wanted to get going and not be late for work. I demanded that Jason tell us the truth. Did he realize what kind of position he was putting us in?

Finally, he broke down and said he had not gone on to the base, but had hopped a bus to a cafe up the street where he stayed until he took the bus back to the base and called Tally from the pay phone there. He did not go on base because he was afraid, even though he insisted it was a mistake, that he would be held accountable for the error and end up confined to ship or worse. At which point, I gave him another ear full about stupidity of such a decision when, if it was a mistake, he could have had it cleared up and, if it wasn't, he wouldn't get much, but some confinement to ship or base, maybe busted a rank, something, but this was getting to the point where he was in serious trouble.

I told him to pack his stuff and get back to the ship Saturday morning. Tally was to take him and watch him walk on to base. He was not to come back until the issue was resolved. If Tally wouldn't, I would. Tally was sobbing, Lisa was wringing her hands and I went out on the patio to cool off. Eventually, Lisa came out on the patio and said something to the effect that I was being too harsh on the guy. "Lisa," I replied, "this isn't just bout somebody skipping work and getting fired. Thirty days, he's a deserter. We're at fourteen now. If we don't make him go, he won't and then what? He'll be a freaking fugitive, we'll have harbored him, eventually somebody is going to turn him in. He's not doing any favors for Tally either. The longer he stays gone the more punishment he'll receive and then what? Think Tally's upset now? They throw him in the brig for a month or so, she won't see him at all. Not to mention the dumbass is ruining himself. He's only got six freaking months left in the Navy before he gets honorable discharge. Now, now I don't know what he'll get, but he'll be lucky if he doesn't get "dishonorable". Then what's he going to do for a job? No benefits? Nothing and Tally will end up married to the guy and her being the only person to support them."

"Well, don't take it out on Tally." Still a softy.

"Look," I said, "I'm just trying to shake Tally out of her little dream world where Jason is perfect and never lies. You and I both know he would lie to St. Peter if he thought he wouldn't get caught. Maybe do it anyway on the off chance St. Peter's too damned busy that day to verify. I don't care what they end up being to each other, but I do care enough that she's at least a little less naive on the subject and prepared to deal with it."

Lisa threw her hands up and went back into the house.

Early Saturday morning, they left the house, Jason with all his stuff and Tally looking like a dog that had been kicked. She later returned to the apartment and cried. She wouldn't speak to me at first, but, eventually, I convinced her it was for the best. Jason needed to go and take care of his problems or they would take care of him. I asked her if she had watched Jason walk on base. She said he had gone into the receiving building to turn himself in before she left.

That, I thought, was the end of that. She probably wouldn't see or hear for him for a while. In the meantime, I hoped it would give her a little time think about what she would decide to do. In reality, while Jason had six months left in the Navy, the ship only had four more in dry dock before it was prepared to return to it's base in San Diego. This meant that either Jason would be sent to another post or leaving with the ship if they didn't toss him out all together. Of course, I didn't know how long this whole thing was going to drag out.

Monday evening, Tally returned with Jason in tow, again. You cannot imagine my shock and surprise to see him again.

"Jason, I told you you were not to come back here until your situation is cleared up." I can't tell you how angry I was right then. I was sure that this situation was going from bad to worse and he kept insisting on putting us in the middle of it.

"I know, I know, but I'm getting it taken care of. I have Captain's Mast on Wednesday and then they will decide what will happen." The first believable thing he said.

However, I had a serious problem with part of the story, "Tell me how they allowed you off base when you were just AWOL for two weeks and you will be going up for charges."

"Now, Kansas, he said he was taking care of it." Tally was getting defensive again, but I had some idea how the military worked and recently AWOL guys were not going to just walk off the base and I said it again.

"Kat," he was trying to get personal here and convince me he wasn't a slug, "I'll be up on charges on Wednesday, soon enough. Can't I just stay here until it's done?"

"Jason," I replied, pacing up to where they were standing in the foyer, "I know you got Tally fooled, but you are trying to pull something on the wrong person here. There is no way you'd get that kind of break after two weeks AWOL. It doesn't happen. Therefore, I can only surmise that you've pulled another fast one and have yet to turn yourself in. You know I can check this out with a number of sources. Why are you trying to force my hand here? Why are you putting us in this situation? We've been more than kind enough to take Tally in when her folks threw her out (that was true, they didn't like Jason, go figure). We've taken you in. You are putting us in a bad situation. Why can't you just get this taken care of?"

Now of course, he had already played into the lie and he could not give it up. What is it about some habitual liars? They think no one will call their bluff. No one is going to find out? Wants to take the time to find out? Honestly, I believe the guy actually had some sort of mental problem and believed his own lies. His own life sucked so badly, according to him, that he had to live in a lie in order to actually just get by. I think I could pinpoint the moment that his lies began to get more and more outrageous. More and more delusional. It was, frankly, the moment that Carlos, his only friend, had announced that he was being sent to Panama. Jason tried to get orders to go their, too, but his specialty was not needed. It was at that point that it seemed Jason had begun to do his best to screw up on ship. He wanted to leave, even if he only had six months left. He was deliberately bucking for a change in orders, discharge, something, I don't know, but I had found out after this incident that he had been in trouble several times on the ship and that he had been a bit of a screw up before, but Carlos had covered for him as the senior petty officer in their unit and now he was even worse.

Strangely, in the end, I think that Jason had more emotional problems dealing with Carlos' departure than I had and I had been the victim of heartbreak.

Jason continued to insist that he was getting it taken care of. I said nothing more that evening except to say that Jason was not welcome to stay at the apartment. Tally allegedly took him back to base to stay on the ship. The next day, I called the number to the office that Craig said would take a message for him at the base. He returned my call that afternoon and I explained to him what Jason had said. We hung up with Craig telling me he'd contact his friend in security and get back to me. He called me before I went home and told me that Jason was still listed as AWOL and that he was not scheduled for Captain's Mast. As a matter of fact, he was starting to get some questions from his friend about where Jason might be and the friend was urging him, if he knew, to get Jason to come in before they had to find him and before he was gone 30 days and officially became a deserter.

Craig indicated to me that security had some idea where Jason was (ie, my place) since they had questioned a number of people in Jason's unit about his associations in town. Apparently, they had already contacted his parents and they had not been contacted by Jason the entire time of this incident. A visit to their place had confirmed this so they had narrowed down the probability he was still in town.

I told Craig that Jason would be at the ship tomorrow AM. I would call and confirm this with him. If not, I would arrange to let him know where Jason was staying and give him a specific time for the security detail to arrive, even if it meant my own place.

Frankly, I was angry. But, most of all, I had become very worried for both Tally and Jason. Mostly because, as much as I thought he was a liar, I felt sorry for him. I knew he was about to mess up in a big way. Desertion is not treated lightly. Not even in peace time. I expected that, if it went that far, he wouldn't just be subject to some time in the brig, busting his rank and discharge, but would be sent to jail or prison for awhile which would be even more devastating to Tally and probably put Jason in a very bad place emotionally and psychologically. I say again, I don't think the guy was just a general scum bag, I really suspected that he was not just a pathological liar but had other emotional issues.

I think, this was one of the hardest decisions I had to wrestle with in my mind. Whatever the situation, Tally was a friend of ours, Jason was, to some extent, a friend of ours. We had known him for a long time. In general, I felt he was harmless, but that he did not know how to be responsible and he would not resolve this thing himself. In the end, I thought this was the best course of action and that it might even save Tally from having to watch her fiance go to prison and sit around waiting for him. In a sense, also saving him from himself since he did not seem to be inclined to do so.

I went home that night and confronted Jason and Tally one more time as she had, once again, brought him to the house. I had the number for the security office from Craig ready for Tally to use. I was ready to trump him this time, ready to call his bluff and ready to make Tally do it so she would finally get it through her thick head that this was for real and Jason was screwing with both their lives and ours. I had explained to Lisa the situation and, by this time she was good and angry too because she had wanted to believe in Jason for Tally's sake. You know what? Me, too. I wished right then that Jason could be who Tally thought he was because I know how hard it is to find out differently. I wished Jason could have been that person for himself as well.

Again, I explained that I had contact with the security office and that Jason was still listed as AWOL. Jason, at first defensive again, said it was a lie and wanted to know who had told me such a thing. I took out the piece of paper and handed it to Tally explaining that it was the number to security and that the name on the paper was the officer in charge of the case. I explained to her what Craig had told me about thirty days to desertion and that tomorrow marked Jason's 20th day. Ten days before he would be in more trouble than he had ever thought of being in.

Finally, she turned to him and demanded that he tell her the truth. He tried to lie again and she threatened to call the number first thing in the morning.

So, the story went something like this:

Jason had become despondent over Carlos' departure (per his own words, but a little less posed). He couldn't get orders to go there, even if he had re-enlisted. No more billets. He was screwing up and, on the last day before he went AWOL, had made a major mistake and was going to be reprimanded for it. He decided not to go in that next day. He still had Carlos' splint and crutches in his beat up truck that was parked permanently in our parking lot. He decided that he would copy Carlos until he figured out what to do next. Upon the initial confrontation, he had Tally drop him off at the base and never went in. The second time, he went into the receiving building, but never checked in, just waited until Tally left to catch the bus down town. When I told him he had to leave and not come back, he spent three days sleeping in his truck, just around the corner until he caught the bus down to the base and called Tally from a pay phone to pick him up.

Tally was devastated because he had lied to her and made her look like a fool. Jason was crying because he didn't want to go back and face the music. Lisa was crying, too. I think I was the only person that wasn't. Frankly, enough was enough.
I explained to him that he had one more day to turn himself in. Tomorrow AM to be exact, otherwise I would give all of his information to them, places he went to, people he knew, I'd have his truck towed and I'd send a letter to Carlos letting him know as well. I'm not sure which was the kicker, but he swore once again that he'd do it. I looked at Tally and told her if she didn't want Jason to be spending the next year in Ft. Leavenworth she'd walk him into the building and watch him sign himself in.

She did. Jason was court martialed. Apparently, besides being AWOL he had also continued to receive paychecks directly to his bank account and spend it so, he not only owed Uncle Sam for those 20 days of AWOL but owed him a ton of money. He spent two weeks in the brig, was given thirty days confined to ship, he had twenty days service added on to the end of his term for the twenty he missed and an additional 30 days without pay to pay back the two paychecks he had spent while AWOL. At the end, he was stripped one rank to Petty Officer, third class and discharged as "other than honorable".

Immediately upon his discharge, he and Tally ran away to Texas where they got married directly after his divorce was finalized. There, Tally had twins and they proceeded to move from one place to the next, one job to the next. Jason could not hold one down. Tally would, from time to time, call us and tell us all her exciting news about Jason's new fantastic job. Within a year and a half and five jobs later, she had stopped calling. Until the last call. She was coming back to the Philadelphia area and she wanted to see us again. Jason had, for the sixth time, lost his job. Had lied about what he was doing. Tally wouldn't have cared as long as he was working, but he told her he was doing a job with a bank when he was actually the janitor.

It had been as I predicted, one lie after the other and the end of their relationship
with a huge fall from the pedestal. I don't put the blame on one or the other. They were both to blame. Tally for her unrealistic expectations and complete blindness and Jason for never growing up or growing out of whatever issues he had.

It was a 50 car pile up I seemed to watch in slow motion. It was a "B" rated scare movie where I screamed and screamed for the heroine not to go there, but she did it anyway. It seemed, the more I said, as if to a child, "that is hot, don't touch it," the more insistent Tally had been on touching it anyway.

Not that I learned my lesson on interfering or putting myself in the middle of other people's relationships. No, that would be too easy.

And so, I find that Hamlet actually may have said it best:

To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die, to sleep:
No more; and, by a sleep, to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep! Perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of such long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of dispis'd love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn
No traveler returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience doth make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought;
And enterprises of great pith and moment,
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action...

2 comments:

Kender said...

You have the makings of a good book here, I think. I ma enjoying it. Thanks.

Kat said...

Thanks Kender. Glad you are enjoying it. I am having a good time writing it and it makes me pretty happy to see others reading.

I don't have a general outline so I don't know how many chapters are left. Keep on dropping by.