Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Two Dreams

I have debated about whether to write here about two dreams that I had. One Sunday and one Monday. They were very disturbing to me. Maybe it would be better to call them "nightmares". What was interesting was that they did not occur in the deep of sleep, but just as I felt myself nodding off.

I always debate about putting certain personal things on a blog that I have largely dedicated to writing about the middle east, the Iraq war and the war on terror, but, thse dreams were not only disturbing, they actually echoed the theme of this blog. War and death. I am going to post them in the inner sanctum if you care to read, or you can just skip on by and go on to the more edifying stuff.

Sunday night, I didn't stay up late. I was tired early for some reason. Maybe it was all the reading about the Arabs and the Zionist. I don't know, but I laid down in bed and turned on the history channel. They were showing a program about the military make up of the Roman Legions. It seemed very interesting, but I felt my eyes close almost immediately. I was laying on my back when I fell asleep. This is unusual because I am one of those people that have to sleep on their side. Maybe because I wake myself up snoring or something, it is an automatic reflex, but not Sunday.

I drifted off to sleep, but not a deep sleep. I could tell it wasn't deep because I think I still heard the TV playing. Then the dream started. I was standing in a kitchen. It had cheap, chocolate brown carpet. The only appliance I could see was straight ahead of me and it was an ugly, 1970's almond color. I was facing it head on and to the left was a long wall and a door partially hidden by the refrigerator. I could tell it went into another room and their were people in there. I couldn't see them, but I heard them talking.

To the right was a long counter and cabinets with a sink. The cabinets were like the cheap pressboard kind with a fake veneer that was equally dark as the carpet. On the ground, squeezed up under the edge of the cabinet overhang on the ground level, were two children. Once boy and one girl. They both had dark hair and olive toned skin. The little boy was wearing yellow pajamas with some sort of little print on them. I don't remember what the girl was wearing.

As I was looking at the two children, a matter of fact voice came from the room in the back. "They're dead", he said. Bizarrely, in my dream, I was thinking to myself. It's not something I think is normal in dreaming. I thought to myself, "these are Iraqi children."

I really don't understand why I made that connection. But, as the voice spoke, I turned slightly away from the children on the floor and looked at the door to this back room. I remember a sort of yellowish light coming from the room and what looked like a soldier in khaki standing there, complete with a helmet and vest. As I looked at the soldier in the door way, I felt someone grab my arm. I looked down and it was the little boy in the yellow pajamas. That's why I remember what he was wearing and not the girl.

He had a hold of my left arm and had his other arm up like he was trying to put it over my shoulder and get me to pick him up. For a few seconds in my dream, I was completely stunned. I looked down in the face of the boy. I can still picture it. His olive toned skin was kind of pale. His eyes were closed. He had dark circles under his eyes and his eye brows were very thick and black. He kept saying something to me while his eyes were closed and acting like he wanted me to pick him up.

I remember putting my arms around him and thinking he was too big to pick up, but I tried to comfort him. At the same time my mind kept thinking, he's dead?

That's when I woke up. Scared the hell out of me in that creepy "it was so real" kind of way. Right this second, maybe it is paranoia induced, but I keep feeling his hand on my arm trying to make me put it around him. It's very strong.

After about 30 mins I went back to sleep and slept soundly. When I woke up Monday morning, it was still on my mind. I kept going over it and trying to figure out why that was in my dreams.

Monday night a similar thing happened although this time I didn't go to sleep until later. But I was watching an episode of "law and order" as I drifted off to sleep. Again, I hadn't been asleep long when I had my second dream/nightmare.

I dreamed I was walking across a battle field. I could tell it was a battle field because there were things that resembled little fortified foxholes and barricades with fire and smoke out towards the back of the scene. I could see the graish metal building in the back, like a warehous. About that time, I notice three soldiers laying on the ground behind an ereceted barricade that looked like palm trees. One soldier was laying across the barricade with his arms and hands hanging down in front. There was blood on his helmet and parts of his uniform that I could see.

I walked towards the soldier and the blood became more noticable. I must have walked up to the soldier because his helmet was suddenly right in my face and, not only could I see the blood, I saw that he had an insignia that looked like sargent stripes to me. Just as I bend down to get a better look, he raises his head and his helmet takes up most of by dream vision. Then, he starts lifting his head and I am staring at the black emptiness of his face. there is nothing there but a blackness that seems to cover what should have been his face. I am staring into black nothingness and all I could do was wake up.

Anybody here an amatuer dream analyst? O r should I quit this voluntary night job and do something else for awhile. These were real drems and they are very disturbing to me. I can' sleep tonight because I don't want to have another dream.


Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

Dreams of the deceased are common, and should not be considered signs of paranormal activity or of supernatural contact. Dreams of visitations by the deceased often reflect desire for contact with them, and for emotional resolution. Inability to speak with or touch the deceased may reflect frustration due to the deceased’s departure; we no longer are able to communicate.


I would say that you feel a desire to communicate with soldiers and Iraqis in ways that not even blogging can accomplish. You want to completely get inside their head and understand their experiences in ways that can't be done even with the latest technology. Symbolically it feels like some of them are "dead" to you. Does that make sense?

d.x. said...

the personal touch is what makes blogs readable.

Kat said...

Ciggy, That almost makes sense to me. Besides being slightly creeped out, after the dreams, and even today reading them, I feel something like guilt and until I read your thoughts, I couldn't understand what I was feeling guilty about.

Last week I was doing my rounds of donations for the charities I am supporting and I was thinking or wishing that I could do more. I've thought several times about chucking my job and house and signing up to go over there with somebody: halliburton, charity, the democracy education program, something. I feel like I am just sitting here, living a nice comfortable life and just giving money and a pep talk once in awhile and hopefully, sharing something educational about the region as I learn about it myself, but, I don't feel it's enough.

I'm not giving very much of me for something that I believe in strongly. The three times I went to do something about it, I chickened out. I've never been so indecisive before or such a freaking coward. I think that is bothering me.

Thank you for the little analysis.

Peter said...

First, I would like to thank you for your honest and thought-provoking comment you made to one of my posts. I will try to reply more fully by the weekend.

It is more than apparent from your writing that you have a deep interest and concern for what has happened and what is happening in the Middle East and more specifically in Iraq. This concern is bolstered greatly by your self-acquired, extensive knowledge of the historical pre-conditions for what has brought forth the situation of today.

The reason I say this is that human concern becomes more tangible when coupled with knowledge and facts. It is perhaps easier then to conjure up more tangible visions of that concern when you know more about what you're concerned about. So the fact that you have dreams of war and human misery is not surprising.

Now, what do we do with our dreams, our worries and our concerns? Most people put them on the shelf after a while in a convenient place, so to speak, ready to dust off when needed. Others, and these are the very few, chuck all worries aside and do something tangible, on the spot, without further ado. Often this can be self-eviscerating. There are very few of us that have the strength for something like this. And oftentimes, when we do something like this we fail in achieving our goals. The reason for this is that - just like the mending a physical wound - the cure takes knowledge of cause, i.e. a diagnosis and also competence to deal with the malady. A doctor who opertes on an appendix without having taken part in a previous apendectomy is probably going to screw up in one way or the other.

So what can we do? You and I and anyone else who sits at home, looking at the news about that war-ravaged and hate-infused part of the world. What can we do, when we take a long, hard look at our own comfortable lives: car, home, decent job, some money in the bank, friends and prospects of a pretty good future. What can we do?

What we can do is take a long look at ourselves and our own capabilities. If I'm a doctor and can treat sickness, then I can help more immediately and in a more tangible way. If I'm an IT-consultant or a process analyst, well, there's no hue and cry for us in war-torn Iraq, right now anyway.

By reading your blog I can see there is one thing you CAN do and that is what you are doing. You are writing and expressing your concern and getting other people to take a look at their own situations and what they themselves can do with the resources available to them.

So my advice to you is: Take both your dreams and your competence seriously. Use them in a productive manner. Write, send money, discuss, be active in pressure groups. Talk. When the time and opportunity come to physically do something, then you will be prepared to do it. And that opportunity will come sooner - when you do exactly what you are doing now.

Jason Rubenstein said...

I've been told that the contents of our dreams - all of the characters, events, happenings - are reflections of our own Self. So everything in a dream represents some part of ourself, and every event in the dream represents some part of our Self as well.

How to decipher it and make sense of the imagery? I think it takes some self-reflection and thinking, etc.;

That's all I know about that!!

Nas said...

College was soooo long ago.... I know we had some discussions in psych class about some dream stuff.

As I first began reading your dream about being in the kitchen it brought back some of these vague memories of Freud, I believe, who had comments about being in the womb dreams. Then, you mentioned two children huddling there, dead. Uhm, this is again all from a half remembered conversation or at most two conversations many many years ago, but by chance (very personal question) did you have a couple of abortions back in the late 70's?

- - The date comes from the date you supplied for the appliance.

Kat said...

thank you Peter, you all have been pretty helpful with your comments. I can't wait to see what you write at your blog about my comments. A feel a good debate coming on. I can tell by your entries that you are a an intelligent man (particularly anyone that reads Proust..:)

I think I am waiting to see what I can do. I keep looking at the situation to see what I would be good for over there or even here. I'll just keep looking. friend, I don't want to give anything away here but I was about 10 at the end of the 70's, so, um, no..I didn't have any abortions then, nor have I ever. I believe in safety first. :)

But thanks for lightening the mood some. I would say freud didn't know everything. LOL

Kat said...

By the way, I noticed that I was apparently more tired than I thought as I forgot to use spell check and my grammar went out the window. Amazing what you will notice about your own work the day after it is done.

Anonymous said...

20 years ago I had a series of dreams made up of details,small details but so clear! 4 dreams:3 dreams I later experienced in my life and the overwhelming realization that it was my dream come true was like a punch to the brain at the time I lived it. The results of my 4th dream would have been my death. The first three dreams were a warning I believe. I changed my last by recognizing the beginning of the 4th dream that ended in my death by changing the circumstances. I have not dreamed like this since. Three dreams a warning, causing me to pay attention to the last dream. I can't explain it. The details! I still remember.