Strange Phone Calls In the Middle of the Night.

So, I'm typing up my post for Tuesday and it's late, about 12:51 AM and I'm thinking I need to hurry up and go to bed. At which time, the phone rings.

The caller ID says "private", but it is 12:51 AM so I assume what any normal person assumes at that time when they have no one that they would be expecting to call at that time: emergency.

I picked up the phone: "Hello?"

A female voice on the other end that I did not recognize: "Kat.....?"

Well, there are only a few people in the world that call me by my full first name and I work with them, so I gear down from "familial emergency" to "crap, the computer at work crashed" which is just about the only reason any work related person would call me in the middle of the night.

Me: "Yes?" I still have no idea who I am speaking to.

The woman proceeds to confuse the hell out of me, "Do you know a Russ?"

"Pardon?" What the hell does that have to do with work?

"Are you dating anyone named Russ?" Now I am really trying to recognize the voice because I am wondering if this is a friend or a relative that got a disturbing call from somebody and wanted to know if I knew them. At least, that is the quick succession of thoughts running through my head.

"No. Who is this?" I have no clue.

There was silence for a moment as if considering answering that, "I just wanted to know if you knew Russ. Do you know a Dave?"

Okay. Now I am thinking "prank call". What the hell? But the voice on the other end was not a teenager's voice. It was definitely a mature woman and she didn't sound drunk. "No. I don't know a Russ or a Dave. Who is this?"

Is it too much to ask who is calling you in the middle of the night, calling you by your full name and asking if you are dating someone?

"I just wanted to know if you were dating a Russ or a Dave. Thanks anyway." Click. She hung up.

After a few minutes, my own history came back to me and I realized what the woman was doing. If you don't read this blog regularly then you don't know the story of my roommate Tracy, the two guys we met and the persistent phone calls she made to 10 phone numbers in the white pages looking up every Paula or P Smith in a certain township to find out if the guy she was seeing (the other guy's brother) was really broke up with his girlfriend or lying through his teeth. On call number 9 she successfully reached Paula Smith and found out, not only were they still dating (up to that moment anyway), but his brother, Bernie or Ernie or whatever, who kept bugging me for a date was married and his wife was 9 months pregnant.

Ahhhh.

I'm unlisted by the way. Although, I have recently found that you can find me on the internet, lock stock and barrel. For a small fee you could have my financial and criminal (non existent) background along with an email address. If you're reading this, you too can be found on the world wide internet and not just on this blog providing people have enough information about you such as your first name and city you live in.

So, I feel the need to address Russ or Dave or whatever name he is going by in a public space.

Sir, please inform your girlfriend/wife that you do not know me.

Secondly, if you are cheating on her and were stupid enough to let slip a name or write it down somewhere, the jig is up. Confess your sins and you may be absolved. Or, you may end up like some other infamous cheaters with appendages detached. It matters not to me except that phone calls from a distraught woman in the middle of the night do not put me in a very fine mood. Thus, removed appendages are sounding better by the moment.

Lastly, if by some bizarre chance you have my phone number hanging around (how, I don't know considering I don't recall ever giving it to anyone named Russ or Dave in the last two years I've had the number), please dispose of it immediately or at least explain to said girlfriend/wife that it was a typo, wrong number, whatever.

Thank you. Your actions in resolving this matter will be greatly appreciated.