tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7152221.post109352493496675028..comments2024-03-23T07:49:50.940-05:00Comments on The Middle Ground: Naked Emotions Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7152221.post-1094118905978842832004-09-02T04:55:00.000-05:002004-09-02T04:55:00.000-05:00Let me say thank you to all that came here and pos...Let me say thank you to all that came here and posted your stories. It's lovely to see so many shared experiences and know that the world is not just this little place I live in and people have similar stories to tell. <br /><br />I didn't post the rest of the story yet. I am working on that. I actually hadn't decided if I would talk about the other stuff that happened after the funeral. Then again, maybe it would be helpful to others so they don't fall into the same trap.<br /><br />I think I have learned already what Pat was indicating. Don't leave things to chance. We don't live for ever. If you don't plan, your family will be torn up. It is the last gift anyone can give their family. Take the planning out of their hands. The worst time for people to try and decide the best action to take is right after the person dies. The family is confused.<br /><br />I can tell you that I was trying to help write the obituary and I couldn't even remember how many great grand kids she had or her mother's name or how many siblings. It was all very confusing. I had to take a list of questions home and ask everyone. It was funny how five of us were sitting around trying to write down all the names of the great grand kids so we could get an accurate count. It was also a statement of how confused you can be when the time is upon you.<br /><br />Again, thanks for writing and understanding and condolences to those who have suffered a recent loss as well.<br /><br />I have the best memories and they have transplanted most of the rest. It was strange though...Saturday, I was driving and thought of something that I wanted to call and tell my grandmother. I actually had to stop myself from getting the cell phone out.<br /><br />I guess it will take some time still. But it is better everyday.<br /><br />Again, thanks for stopping by and sharing.Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05208095650375780838noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7152221.post-1093904074764755012004-08-30T17:14:00.000-05:002004-08-30T17:14:00.000-05:00Just a word from a stranger... I really really hop...Just a word from a stranger... I really really hope that you get to the Smithsonian this year. Bring some trinket or keepsake of your Gramm's.<br /><br />Nothing I know of is certain to take away the pain. But maybe, when you're ready, that could help.<br /><br />-Kevin HaydenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7152221.post-1093799455542182962004-08-29T12:10:00.000-05:002004-08-29T12:10:00.000-05:00I wrote a third comment that for some reason didn'...I wrote a third comment that for some reason didn't post.To Kat and any readers, I strongly recommend that you take some time, give your own situation some thought and then write down your own personal will to let your loved ones know what it is you want. When my husband was critically ill I was able to request the no code order because I knew what his wishes were and it was the last gift I could give him. The legal will as far as asset distribution is good, but it is the little things that family need to know. Who is to have the old family (+) or(*), what service, casket or ashes. It is your last gift to your loved ones.Pat in NChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11212616456834039185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7152221.post-1093798070622078642004-08-29T11:47:00.000-05:002004-08-29T11:47:00.000-05:00Because I dealt with death so much as a nurse, car...Because I dealt with death so much as a nurse, caring for my dad in the hospital at the time of his death, my mom at my home when she died, I have tried to prepare my son and also had long talks with my husband about what he would want done and expressed my wishes to both. My husband and I both signed living will and I ended up asking for a no code order on my husband because it was the last gift I could give him. He had lived with chronic pain from bleeding into his sciatic nerve, degenerative disease of his spine and then a massive MI. CPR may have given him a few more hours of life but I knew his spine could not take it. I write this to let you know you were right to be ready to fight for your Gramms wihes and her comfort.Pat in NChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11212616456834039185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7152221.post-1093797438885110562004-08-29T11:37:00.000-05:002004-08-29T11:37:00.000-05:00My letter also gives him advice for the first year...My letter also gives him advice for the first year in that he should take time to heal before making major decisions. He really is not terribly interested because he does not really want to admit that at 69 my time on earth grows shorter. I could well be here for another 20 years or another 20 minutes. None of us knows. As a nurse, I have been witness to so many families like yours--they mean well, they are emotionally upset, they divert their minds to the most stupid things, they feel guilt for not having done some of what they could have done for the person dying or dead. Try to forgive them.Pat in NChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11212616456834039185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7152221.post-1093797060731554502004-08-29T11:31:00.000-05:002004-08-29T11:31:00.000-05:00Kat, I just want to give you a hug and thank you f...Kat, I just want to give you a hug and thank you for what you did for your grandmother. When I was a young student, one of my instructors told me that her mother had planned her own funeral. She said Mom how can you talk like that--you see we all want to deny death and act like our loed ones will always be here on earth with us. She said when her mom died, she realized what a great gift it had been to her because there was not a question in her mind as to what her mother wanted done. I have held to that story for over 50 years. I have one son and a niece who is "the daughter of my heart". They both know where my "death book" is and I have reviewed it with both of them. My son knows that I have a living will and he knows to call my close friend who will help give him the strength to see that is enforced. I have written a letter of motherly advice to my son on what must be done immediately, who is to be contacted for insurance and business reasons.Pat in NChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11212616456834039185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7152221.post-1093656913777754322004-08-27T20:35:00.000-05:002004-08-27T20:35:00.000-05:00Kat, thanks for sharing this.Kat, thanks for sharing this.justrosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07287125209427594135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7152221.post-1093654390811579922004-08-27T19:53:00.000-05:002004-08-27T19:53:00.000-05:00Kat: I am glad that you wrote this...we can't be a...Kat: I am glad that you wrote this...we can't be all business all the time and I hope this was cathartic for you to get this all out (from one non-crier to another). I am so sorry for your loss --your Gramm sounds like a wonderful person...and someone who contributed greatly to the person that we have come to admire so much!<br />My husband was so horrified (shocked and betrayed) watching his family fall apart after his father died (two weeks before our wedding)--over money and a Catholic mass and viewing that he had specifically put into a Will that he didn't want. I hated watching him go through that.<br />I am glad that you are working out the sadness -and you already know that I enjoy reading everything that you write!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7152221.post-1093638820271770122004-08-27T15:33:00.000-05:002004-08-27T15:33:00.000-05:00Mike...thanks,
Nas..I've thought about that. You...Mike...thanks,<br /><br />Nas..I've thought about that. You know, that blogging was a cover up. Holding it all in and avoiding it. And yes, I have been wondering what the hell is going on in this world. I think I was avoiding some things for awhile. I really have been assessing my life. I almost left my job because I thought I might want to do something different. Contribute something in this world more than being a cog in a wheel. Right after I wrote this, I felt so much better, I didn't feel quite as useless anymore.<br /><br />Tammi...yeah, sometimes tough girls have to realize they need a few minutes to cry, too.Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05208095650375780838noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7152221.post-1093624546424389892004-08-27T11:35:00.000-05:002004-08-27T11:35:00.000-05:00As difficult as that must have been to write, good...As difficult as that must have been to write, good for you Kat. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. <br /><br />I find myself amazed that anyone ever reads my stuff. But your stuff - it's good. It's informative. <br /><br />I'm glad you were able to write this all down. It's important for even us tough girls to get the poison out of our systems.Tammihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13985883231772506578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7152221.post-1093562596504683612004-08-26T18:23:00.000-05:002004-08-26T18:23:00.000-05:00Kat, I understand. My father was 80 when he died o...Kat, I understand. My father was 80 when he died on Feb. 24. It's a good thing to get it out in the open. They're not in pain now.<br /><br />Mike H.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com